Top Ten Signs You Have A Stalker

by Dee J. Adams, author of Living Dangerously (Carina Press)

living dangerouslyIn Living Dangerously, Julie Fraser is America’s newest rising star. Since her movie debut five years ago, she’s climbed to the pinnacle of Hollywood’s A-list. Dubbed America’s Sweetheart for her combination of wholesomeness, comic timing and ability to wring emotion from even the coldest of hearts, Julie can’t believe it when someone tries to kill her. There must be a mistake and she thinks she was a target for target’s sake. But once all the facts are compiled and the evidence is added up, even Julie realizes she’s got a problem.

In true Julie Fraser fashion, when David Letterman asked her to do a top ten list, she agreed. Below is the list Julie read on The Late Show before her interview with Dave.

The Top Ten Signs You Have A Stalker

10. You get love letters from someone you don’t know.

9. Someone infiltrates your friends to get closer to you.

8. Someone has a scrapbook of your accomplishments, and it’s not your mother.

7. When you answer the phone, the person on the other end often doesn’t say anything.

6. Someone shows up at your door…with a knife.

5. You come home to find a stranger in your house.

4. You have a Facebook page with accurate information, but you didn’t set it up.

3. You find a boiled bunny on the stove.

2. You get shot at during a public event.

1. Your mother, your best friend, your bodyguard, the press and the police tell you, “You have a stalker.”

Julie sat down with Dave after reading the list.
Dave: Julie, I noticed you snuck in #5. That wasn’t perhaps because of an incident that happened to me was it?

Julie: <all innocence> Dave, I’m hurt. I’d never suggest such a thing. But maybe you should talk to your writers.

Dave: So how’d that work for you? Getting shot on the red carpet? I mean… that had to suck.

Julie: <nodding her head> It did kind of suck. Yes. I don’t recommend it. Have you ever been shot, Dave?

Dave: I have not. It’s not on my bucket list.

Julie: Good call. Very sensible.

Dave: <deadpan to the camera> Ya think? <back to Julie> So you have a new man in your life. What can you tell us about him?

Julie: I like him a lot. He’s a good guy. <she leans in to Dave who leans close to her> He likes his privacy.

Dave: Ah, so he’s got no aspirations to date a Kardashian if things don’t pan out with you?

Julie: <laughing> I don’t believe so, no. Besides, aren’t all the Kardashian’s spoken for at the moment?

Dave: <laughing> Maybe. It’s so hard to keep track of them. I know you have to catch a plane and we have to go to commercial, but thanks for stopping in. You are as beautiful as ever. <he kisses her hand>

Can anyone else add to the list? What did Dave’s writers forget? You might have a stalker if…?

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Comments ( 8 )
  1. Sam Beck
    May 22, 2013 at 12:56 pm
    Reply

    How about…You might have a stalker when someone besides your personal assistant knows your schedule better than you?

  2. Dee J.
    May 22, 2013 at 1:58 pm
    Reply

    Hi Sam,
    Yep! Absolutely! That may have been one on my original list. LOL. (Had to pare it down!) Thanks for coming by!!

  3. Lynne Marshall
    May 22, 2013 at 2:57 pm
    Reply

    You might have a stalker if your shoes have been rearranged, and a special “nightie” has been laid out on your bed.

  4. Dee J.
    May 22, 2013 at 4:20 pm
    Reply

    Hi Lynne,
    You made me LOL. Nice one! And I didn’t see it coming! Thanks for playing along!

  5. Sean
    May 22, 2013 at 8:00 pm
    Reply

    You might have a stalker if you come home and Glenn Close is sitting on your living room floor turning the lamp on and off.

  6. Dee J.
    May 22, 2013 at 8:04 pm
    Reply

    Hi Sean,
    Very funny! At least I know one person understood #3 on the list! I wasn’t sure if anyone would remember Fatal Attraction! Glenn Close sure played it well. Thanks for commenting. You da’ man!!

  7. Liz Flaherty
    May 23, 2013 at 6:03 pm
    Reply

    Enjoyed this!

  8. Dee J.
    May 23, 2013 at 8:18 pm
    Reply

    Hi Liz,
    Thanks for stopping in!

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