Does Submissive Equal Weak?

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by Lynda Aicher, author of Bonds of Courage (Carina Press)

When I tell people I write erotic romance with BDSM elements, nine times out of ten I get a stunned look along with a cryptic “Hmm. Really?” It usually also includes a bit of speculation in a raised brow that hints at the many questions running through their mind. The brave might coyly ask, “So, how do you know about that stuff?” While others switch gears and brazenly inquire, “Do you make any money writing that?”

I usually ignore those questions, but I always answer this one when it’s posed: “Why do you write that?” The simple answer is “because it’s fascinating.” Beyond the acts themselves, which can be shocking to some, I love the complexity of emotions that go with the acts. Understanding what drives an individual to crave pain or seek submission is a mystery often buried beneath layers of resistance and denial until they finally find acceptance both within themselves and with others.

The dictionary defines the word submissive as: of, tending towards, or indicating submission, humility, or servility. Synonyms of the word include passive, meek, docile and obedient. Another word that is often associated with it is weak. However, I’ve personally met sexual submissives that I would never define using any of those terms.

Think about how vulnerable you feel without clothes. They act like a protective barrier between us and the world. Can you image kneeling naked before someone and letting them really see all of you? How exposed and scared would you feel? What if they laugh or even worse, reject you?

The strength it takes to bare yourself like that and then give yourself over to another person is amazing to me. It’s trust to the nth degree and there is nothing weak about that.

Bonds of Courage has an alpha male pro hockey player who can no longer suppress his need to submit to a dominant woman. Finding someone he can trust without his secret desires being revealed has kept him silent for years. It’s no surprise that the hockey world isn’t ready to accept that one of their star offensive players craves to be bound and spanked by a female Dom. The bigger question is can he accept this about himself? And can he find a woman who not only understands his desires but can fulfill his needs too?

It’s these types of questions that keep me writing in this genre. The psychology of the lifestyle makes it a dynamic environment to create stories within. One that can give depth to my characters that goes way beyond the physical acts that most think of when they hear the term BDSM.

What are your thoughts? Do you think of a submissive in a BDSM relationship as being weak?

***

“The Wicked Play series always offers a quality story centered on hot sex, burgeoning romance and BDSM. This one is no exception.” 4 stars, RT Book Reviews

bondsofcourageBonds of Courage ~ Book Six of Wicked Play

Pro hockey player Holden Hauke has kept his sexual needs buried for years. After a near miss over a picture of him bound to a spanking bench resulted in a mid-season trade, he’s kept his image clean. But with the season over, he’s ready to surrender control. And he’s found just the woman to help him–if only he can convince her to give him a chance.

Bending men to her will is nothing new for Vanessa Delcour, aka Mistress V–she’s a full-time rep for pro athletes, a part-time owner of exclusive sex club The Den, and an experienced Domme. But when Holden Hauke comes looking for a discreet partner, Vanessa’s concerned about his motives. Touching his training-toned body during a scene wouldn’t exactly be a hardship, but taking him on crosses barriers between work and play that she’s had in place for years.

From their first intense encounter in Mistress V’s playroom, Hauke knows he can’t let this chance slip away; he’s found the woman he’s always needed. Submissive or not, he’s willing to push her every limit to prove how good they can be together.

97,000 words

Buy the ebook here.

New to the series? Go back to the beginning with Bonds of Trust.

 About Lynda

After years of weekly travel implementing computer software into global companies, Lynda Aicher ended her nomadic lifestyle to raise her two children. Now her imagination is her only limitation on where she can go and her writing lets her escape from the daily duties as a mom, wife, chauffeur, scheduler, cook, teacher, volunteer, cleaner and mediator. She can be found at her website, lyndaaicher.com and on Twitter, Facebook & Goodreads.

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6 Responses to Does Submissive Equal Weak?

  1. Of course not! There’s nothing sexier than a man who’s willing to do what a woman wants… and that’s not only sexually. Doing the dishes, cleaning, laundry… it’s all part of the same package.

    Although nothing beats a man kneeling in front of you begging for attention.

    ;)

  2. True romantic

    Most submissives male or female are strong, dominant, decision makers, or leaders in the vanilla world.
    They choose to submit in the bedroom or during bdsm play.
    They are not weak in either world.
    Submission is an act that requires strength and trust.

  3. Stephanie Brown

    An act of submission is an act of faith, trust and strength, both in one’s self and in their partner.

  4. Lynda Aicher

    I agree completely!

  5. Melissa Freisner

    Submission is a wonderful thing if you and your partner are on the same page and agree to keep your sex life between you and your partner and not broadcast it to the entire world. just my opinion!!

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